Got troubles? Issues? Dilemmas? Luckily, Miss Lunarkitty
is here to help us. Send her your
problems, and tell her Freezepop sent you!
Disclaimers: Miss Lunarkitty is neither a psychic nor a qualified therapist. Also, she is currently very busy being a grad student, so it may take a while for her to answer you.
Now on to our latest problems:
Greetings and salutations, Miss Lunar Kitty,
There has been something that has been bothering me for a while
now. I'm 16 years old, and have a wonderful boyfriend. Great, another
love problem, eh? For that I apologize. Anyway... I love my boyfriend
with all my heart, I truely do. If it weren't for him, I would still
be an anti-social stick in the mud without a friend to call her own.
It is because of him that I was able to forge the bonds of friendship
that I have with many people, as well as the person I am today. Even
though I've known him since 4th Grade, we've only been dating for a
year now. Wha's the problem then? Well....we were speaking online late
at night a few nights back, at least a week, and he told me something
that worried me deeply. He told me that he was trying to work up the
courage to tell me something without bursting into tears. I asked if
everything was alright, and he told me that they were, and that I shouldn't
worry. Yet, how can I NOT worry after he says something like that?
He seems somewhat gloomy now. My first thought was 'Oh god, he wants
to break up with me...' But then I thought about it, and realized that
there was no reason I knew of that he would do that. Now I'm worndering
if it's something like he is moving....but I won't know until he tells
me. I don't want to nag, and I certainly don't want to make him feel
like he HAS to tell me... but things have become slightly awkward.
The question is, what should I do? Do I confront him about it? Do I
wait for him to tell me? I really do not wish to rush things and make
him feel uncomfortable, but not knowing is tearing me apart...
Thank you kindly for hearing out a distraught teenaged girl in love, it must
get tiring after a while.
Sincerely,
Turbatus
Dear Turbatus,
Isn't being in limbo just THE WORST? The anxiety of not knowing the answer
to something can seem so much worse than even an answer we don't want to hear.
I would try to talk to your boyfriend about it as soon as possible. You can
be direct without being confrontational - try telling him what you have told
me - that you don't want to nag, but if there is something you need to know,
he should just tell you - especially now that you know there is something.
He must know that the anxiety is just as painful as whatever the news is. If
y'all are as close as it sounds, there isn't much that you can't work through,
even bad times in a relationship.
I hope this helps, and I hope the news isn't too terrible.
Good luck,
-lk
I'm a middle school student who needs advice.
The thing is that I'm feeling a bit like Charlie Brown. Charlie Brown
likes this red-haired girl at his school but has never asked her out.
I have the same problem. There is this girl I like but I don't have
many of her classes. Plus I'm feeling lonely. I'm usually at home by
myself. Do you have any suggestions?
(Sorry for bothering if I did.)
Dear Charlie Brown,
Do you have any opportunities besides class to see this red-haired lovely?
Perhaps you could talk to her during lunch or between classes. Or maybe there
are some after-school activities or outside of school events where you might
run into her? That might solve two problems for you - it would give you a
chance to talk to her, and it would get you out of the house. Or, maybe,
if it's okay with your parents, you could have some people over - say for
a little holiday get-together - you could invite her and a few of her friends
to join you and your friends.
I hope that helps.
Good luck
-lk
ps...it is never a bother!
Hello, Ms. Lunarkitty!
Get ready, here comes another teen crush story.
Okay, I am 13 years old and for some obscene reason my brain has decided, without
my permission, to have a crush on a guy that I know. It's frustrating because
the guy is four years older, sometimes a jerk and more than a little stupid.
Occasionally he threatens to lick people if they annoy him. He is good-looking,
but other than that I don't like much about him. It's also very embarrassing
because my face is very bad at hiding feelings, and I'm sure he knows. He's
part of a group of teens that my sister is a part of and I am trying to join,
and this will definitely screw up my resume if some of them find out. This
has been going on for a few years now.
If you could decipher that and come up with a solution, I would be very grateful.
I know you're not God, but anyone friends with Freezepop must be awesome.
Thanks!
Sincerely,
Texas Tirimasu
Dear Texas Tirimasu,
It sounds like you already have a pretty good handle on this problem. The sane
part of your brain realizes that you have a crush on this guy's looks, but
not on the substance underneath -- and there is nothing wrong with that. I
can't tell you how many crushes I've had on some guy's hair or mouth or voice,
or whatever. I would try to get the misbehaving side of your brain to recognize
the difference between "oooh, he's so wonderful" and "oooooh,
he's a hottie." I think we all know that in the end, good looks aren't
enough; it's what's inside that counts. At the same time, just because you
don't like someone doesn't mean that you can't appreciate his natural beauty,
now does it?
As a bonus, you may find that once your brain has demoted him from "perfect" to "mere
hottie," your face will follow suit and stop betraying you as well.
The biggest potential problem I see with this situation is that you might be
so caught up and distracted with Mr. Good Looking that you aren't open to connecting
with anyone else. Try to keep your fondness for his good looks in perspective,
and the rest should be okay.
Good Luck,
-lk
Not so much an advice post, but a matter of etiquette:
This post is in response to observations made tonight at the Pet Shop Boys
concert here in Austin. It was a fabulous show, and I was fortunate enough
to be right up front, nothing between me and the stage barrier there. (This
is relevant; it's not just wanton bragging.) To my great disappointment,
most members of the audience around me just stood there, arms crossed, or
maybe drinking a beer, only busting a move to clap and cheer at the appropriate
moments. Okay, sure, it was crowded, and there wasn't tons of room to move,
but here's the thing: The Pet Shop Boys are purveyors of dance music - it
just seems kinda rude to stand within eye-contact range and not dance to
their tunes.
Bands that give us music with dancy beats LOVE it when people dance at their
shows. It's pretty much the highest honor or form of appreciation that you
can show them. It's way better than applause and screams, and may even be better
than fanmail.
So, here's the rule: If you go to see a band that creates dancysynthpop, and
you stand up front where the band can see you, you need to move to the beat
of the music. And it doesn't matter if the venue holds 150 or 15,000 people,
you should never be rude to the band!
Now, go forth, and dance your ass off. :)
-lk
Dear Miss Lunarkitty,
I really want to go to my school's homecoming dance but my mom wan't let me
because she says that she doesn't want me go by myself, I told her that
I wasn't going to be the only one by myself but she doesn't want to change
her mind. How can I convince my mom to let me go to homecoming?
Dear homecoming loner,
Sometimes our parents’ feelings aren’t so unreasonable once we
know why they have them. Can you get your mother to explain why she feels so
strongly about the dance? (For best results, I recommend employing a respectful
tone and holding a mature conversation.) Even if her reasons don’t really
apply to your situation, at least you’ll understand where she’s
coming from.
Then, once you know what you’re up against, try to find a solution that
is agreeable to both of you (aka a compromise). For example, would it be okay
with your mother if you go with a group of friends? Or does “by myself” really
mean “dateless?” In that case, perhaps you have a friend who could
escort you to the dance – that way you would have a “date” to
go with, even if you’re not really WITH each other the whole time.
Good luck,
-lk
Hi, Miss Lunar Kitty
I think I did a bad thing. My Ex-gf Kri wanted me back but I broke up with
her (because she was obsessed with accidentally getting herself pregnant
on purpose) and then got other girlfriends to show her that I moved on
but then after that tragic line up of relationships she still had no one
to go to and since I no longer had a girlfriend she came to me. So I used
Myspace to make a girlfriend so I could use that as an excuse to keep her
off of me. I'm afraid that someone out of my group of friends is going
to tell her the truth about us. So if she finds out she's going to be pissed.
Not that I really care at this point because she tried to ruin me to make
herself happy, but am I a bad person for doing this?
Dear Kri's Ex,
Are you a bad person? Probably not.
Have you behaved badly? Yes, quite.
What your ex-girlfriend did, if true, is completely inexcusable, for so many
reasons. You are not out of line to be angry with her about it. But you should
not have answered with more games and deception. How about some honesty? So
what if it makes her mad, or even makes her cry. Often the truth is not pleasant,
but it almost always serves you best. How much easier, in the end, would it
have been to tell her that after what she did, you can no longer trust her,
and that she should leave you alone. Sure, your life would have completely
sucked for the duration of that
conversation, but you would have walked away clean and free.
I don't see a way out of your current predicament except to fess-up about your
fake MySpace lover, tell her that you can't be friends and to leave you alone.
Yeah, it will totally suck to do it, but think of it as your penance for behaving
so badly to begin with.
Hopefully you will take away from all of this a lesson in the value of the
truth.
Oh, the tangled webs we weave When we practice todeceive - Sir Walter Scott
-LK
Hey L-to-the-K,
I love listening to music, playing music, dancing to music, and just about
any other thing you can do with music. So, I'm trying to start a band and
write lots of rad songs. Unfortunately, I find myself unable to conjure
up good lyrics. What can I do to overcome this handicap?
Regards,
ryan
Dear Ryan,
Good for you for following your dream! But who says you have to do everything?
A band is a collaborative effort. Why not include in the lineup someone with
the gift for lyrics and poetry? If that doesn't come together, I'm sure that
between the non-poet band members, you all know a few people who do have
the gift and would love to contribute their lyric talents.
Good luck,
-lk
Dear Miss LunarKitty,
I REALLY like this guy, we had gone out for a while, we eventually broke up,
and i really didn't know what i had...now he's going out with another girl.
and i REALLY want him back...can you please help!!
sincerly, stupid in luv
Dear S.I.L,
I know that you don't want to hear this, but if Mr. Right is involved with
someone else, the best thing you can do is get over it. Here are a few things
to keep in mind:
1. If he's seeing someone else, then he has already moved on.
2. He's someone else's man now, and messing with someone else's man is Not
Cool. It shows a lack of respect for the other woman and their relationship.
And even if you really hate her and don't care about that, interfering won't
make him return to you. It will just make him angry and make you look bad.
3. If nothing else, live and learn. In the future, remember to appreciate what
you've got when you've got it and not to take your sweetie for granted.
I'm sure that once you are ready, you will meet a new fabulous person and have
the chance to do it right.
Good luck,
-lk
Dear Miss Lunarkitty,
okies, so there's this guy i like A LOT and we dated for a wee bit of time...but
then we broke up.. now, he thinks i'm a lier and he's going out with somebody
else... but i still really like him and want him back. What do i do? i
mean, even if i don't get to date him again, how can i tell him i'm not
a lier and have him listen? plus there's rumors that he still likes me
and i dunno what to do! can you help me out!? thank you!!!!
^__^ neon zombie god
Dear neon zombie god,
I always hate to be the bearer of bad news, but I'm afraid that yet again,
here I am. One of the most important elements of a relationship is trust.
If this guy thinks that you lied to him, then clearly, you don't have his
trust. And often once someone has lost trust, it is nearly impossible to
get it back. If he will agree to just talk, you may be able to clear your
name over whatever it is that he thinks you lied about. I wouldn't harbor
hopes of getting back together with him until you have at least had a chance
to clear the air between you and re-establish a foundation of trust. I would
strongly advise you to consider letting go of this one and looking to place
your affections where you can have a fresh clean start.
Good luck,
-lk
I play bass, and I totally need a band. I always ace the audition, but Im having trouble finding people for the long term. Weird taste in music arent helping either. (metal gets BORING!) Any advice?
Dear Frustrated Bass Player,
Perhaps instead of auditioning for other people's bands, you should take the
lead and form a band based on your creative vision. Instead of answering
an ad, place one that includes the musical influences from which you would
like to draw. If you're sick of metal, leave it off of the list. Even if
your efforts don't immediately spawn a band, they may bring you into contact
with local artists that you might otherwise not have had an opportunity to
meet.
I hope that helps.
Good luck
-lk
Hello Miss Lunarkitty!
hmmm i just want to know, how exaclty would i go about buying pink rubber pants?
without a credit card, so it can't be over the interweb. thats all.
-your mother.
Dear Mom,
If the company you wish to buy from has a phone number listed, you could call
them and place your order by telephone. If you do not want to give your credit
card number to the person on the other end of the phone (which I consider
even LESS secure than an online transaction. do YOU know who's answering
that phone call?), you might be able to arrange to send a check or money
order for the items. The other option, of course, is to find a shop where
you can buy the pink rubber pants in person. I realize that not all locations
have one of these shops, but it occurs to me that pink rubber pants are something
you might want to try on before committing to buy them. Rubber clothing tends
to be pricey and though generally hot, not EVERY ass looks good clad in it.
Good luck,
-LK
Dear Lunar Kitty,
I’ve got very deep feelings for a girl who is soon to be engaged. I know
this yet she is still the only one that shines unceasingly. I’ve tried
to get over her but the light won’t fade from her. We’ve become
good friends over the last year and I just keep getting myself deeper in the
abyss of my own feelings for her. And because we’re friends now I can’t
just try to steal her away from the man she loves. I’d rather be a friend
than nothing to her so just not seeing her isn’t an option… I am
the true hopeless romantic. Please give me your opinion on the subject, and
I would greatly appreciate any advice you might have.
Thanks sincerely,
The Pink Fox
Dear Mr. Fox,
I'm afraid you have gotten yourself into quite a predicament here, and I don't
have any really good news for you. If your lady love is already so deeply
involved with someone that she is planning to marry him - well, you are out
of luck. While not seeing her at all may not seem like an option, you should
consider it for a while. If you continue to pursue this woman who is already
spoken for, you will only lead yourself deeper into the world of hurt and
hopelessness. Most of us have told ourselves at some point that we would
settle for just friendship with that unattainable someone, and we all believed
it at the time, but it's not true. If you are in love with her, you will
always feel longing to have your feelings returned. Staying friends is just
a way to stay in her circle and receive her attentions and feed your false
sense of hope. The only way to break this cycle is to break away and let
your feelings cool. If you still want to be friends with her once your feelings
have settled down a bit, then you can, but right now, it wouldn't be an honest
friendship. Furthermore, it will keep you from meeting and loving someone
else who is available.
Good Luck,
-lk
Hi lk,
i m in a huge crisis. mi friend, guy friend, i like a lot. i think i love him.
well, here goes. last year we were together every school day, we rode the
bus together. we talked and shared secrets. this year, he goes to the same
scool n we were still like frends. but he got a girlfriend n then told
me he broke up with her. so i was like ok, thats good. not becuz i was
jealous or anything but the girl was really rude. then one lunch his friends
were mocking me n sed i liked him. i really did, but i sed i used to. den
on the next saturday, one of mi friends said that somone told her that
he liked me. then his friend, also mi friend, said that she broke up with
him and he still likes her. and i still like him! but the thing is hes
like all depressed and he will barely talk to me, or any1. what should
i do? do u think he knos i like him?
~km
Dear km,
Enough with the rumor mill and these crazy games of he said/she said! If you
really like this guy and you want to be with him, you need to let him know.
And no using friends as intermediaries - go talk to him yourself. I can't
say this enough: Asking doesn't always get you want you want, but you can't
get what you want if you don't ask for it. The worst thing that can happen
is that you find out that he is still hung up on this other chick, but then
you'll know and can stop wondering about it.
Good Luck,
-lk
I moved to this school high or new town for
about a year and i have become really antisocial type. My emtional
problem raged on and trying deperately to deal with them myself,family
problem and all. Everybody at school started thinking i was like gothic
chick and all. Since i've moved to this school i always seem to be
hanging around with the wrong people that i have no common interest
what so ever. My weekend all so lonely and my life become so lonesome
like. I really want to meet somebody new like a new boyfriend somehow
to change my life around. There so many guy i like be interested in
asking but like first of all how do start a conversation. Well actually
i know what i should do just how do i know the guy won't think i'm
some idiot. I just what to meet someone nice i can talk to do things
with get out of the houes away from my family and the agurments to
be happy. How do i find a boyfriend when i don't know any guys.
Sweetie,
You are suffering from an enormous amount of loneliness and isolation, but
a boyfriend is hardly the answer. The point of a relationship is to share
yourself and your life with someone else, but in order to do that, you need
to be a whole person yourself, with as much to offer as you take. You should
never rely on someone else to supply you with your happiness. If you find
a boyfriend now, in this state of mind, you risk doing just that - making
him the sole source of your happiness. This leads to nothing good - mostly
yucky feelings of obsession, possession, and co-dependency.
Moving to a new place is really hard, and it can take a long time to find your
bearings. As painful as it may feel to open up, find some ways to force yourself
to break out of that anti-social shell and start meeting people. If you don't
seem to be clicking with any of the kids at school, then explore the area for
other organizations in the area you can join. Maybe there are some that center
around your interests - for example, theater or film societies, music groups,
church groups, sports leagues or reading clubs. It will be easier to meet friends
if you know that you share a common interest with the other people. Once you
start to feel more comfortable in your own skin, then you'll be ready to go
looking for a nice boy to share yourself with.
Hang in there, it will get easier, but you have to make it happen.
Good Luck,
-lk
Dear Lunar Kitty,
I am deeply in love with a girl who considered me her best friend, she trusted
me with everything she even told me things that she didnt even tell her
boyfriend. She told me that i was the sweetest person in the world. A year
after i fell in love with her i spilled out my heart to her, told her everything
i felt. A day before i told her all this she broke up with her boyfriend.
I, either out of jealousy or stupidity, lied to her about her boyfriend
and she trusted me and believed me. Now, a year later, she doesnt even
talk to me. Her boyfriend already left the country and she hangs out with
my best friend who has no feelings for her and wishes that she was with
me instead. She ignores me. I tried talking to her, i told her how sorry
i was and that it was the biggest mistake i ever made but the conversation
resulted in me crying myself to sleep. She has every reason not to want
to be with me, but i cant live without her. Everything i do reminds me
of her. The food doesnt taste as good, the days are darker, everything
is worse. Im even performing worse in school. I tried to make myself feel
better by listening to music but that only makes it worst. I cant sleep
at night because i cant stop thinking about her. I dreamed of being with
her but now i only dream of losing her. My life seems pointless now. The
only thing that brings me back together is
conversation, but she was the only person i ever really talked to. And she
is very beautiful. Please help me, what miracle can bring us closer? What can
i do? What do you think? Thank you very much for your time.
PW
Dear PW,
I'm afraid I don't have a miraculous solution for you. You have tried
to talk to her, and she is having none of it. If she has given you no
reason to hope, then you need to start working on moving on. This is
not an easy thing to do.
Losing the love of your life is one of the most painful things that can happen
to you; it can hurt as much as if that person had died. And just like
when someone dies, it is going to take time to work through those feelings
of loss. There is a saying that time heals all wounds, and it really is true. One
day, this all won't sting so much - you WILL enjoy life again. But you
can't leave it all to time, or you risk shutting yourelf out of life and becoming
bitter.
You need to help yourself get over this. Stop brooding, and start forging
a new life for yourself. Do new things that she was never a part of,
engage in some healthy escapism - like movies and books, and try to meet some
new people who don't know her. It won't be easy at first, and you may
need to force yourself to move at all, but little by little, you'll find interest
and enjoyment creeping back in to life. If you try, but can't seem to make
any progress yourself, you may try talking to someone, like a therapist or
someone at church or school, about ways to overcome grief.
It's a bitter pill to swallow, I realize.
I wish you the best,
-lk
hey lk,
i will be starting college in a matter of months, so that means that i will
be moving halfway across the country. I have a lot of great friends
right now and i don't want to lose contact, what should i do? how
can i make sure that they don't forget about me?
-marcus
Hey m,
In this age of email and IM and mobile phones and blackberries, etc., etc.
ad infinitum, really, the question is more if it is possible to lose touch. But,
despite the technology, keeping in touch does take a fair amount of effort,
at least half of which must come from you. It also takes inititative,
all of which may need to come from you.
Moving is a great way to find out who your true, life-long friends are. It
has been my experience that at first most of your friends will be eager to
keep in touch, but as time goes on, some will vanish. You will probably be
unpleasantly surprised to discover that people you are very close to now can't
be bothered to write or call. At the same time, you will also be delighted
to find out that some from The Outer Circle really care enough to make the
effort to keep in touch.
Don't get your feelings too hurt by those friends who let the communicaiton
lag. It's probably less a reflection of their feelings toward you, and
more that they are just bad at keeping in touch. If it is really important
to you to stay connected to them, be patient, keep plugging away at it, and
don't let them go.
Moving half way across the country is both the most terrifying and exciting
thing you can do. Make the most of every moment of this adventure!
I wish you the best,
-lk
Dear Miss Lunarkitty,
I went through a fairly long period choosing to be anti-social, and more or
less being over it now, I still don't have good social skills. Talking
to my attractive female friends, one of the biggest complaints they all
share is being approached by people they are not interested in, and I really
don't want to be that. They reassure me that I'm not like that, but they
know me well and know my intentions better. I don't think it's an issue
of rejection, rather one of imposing myself on others and doing ``the wrong
thing''. I don't really have issues with myself, but don't know how to
approach people I think are interesting without having something worthwhile
to say.
Any advice or experiences would be appreciated,
Passive in Pasadena
Hi Passive,
The only way to find out if someone is interested in what you have to say is
to impose yourself on them. If they're not interested, you'll probably figure
it out pretty quickly, and can back off, and try not to take it too personally.
If they are interested, then you're not imposing yourself, you're just starting
the conversation. To make any social progress, you just have to go for it.
If you do get the cold shoulder, try not to take it too hard or dwell on
it too long. Rejecting and being rejected is just par for the course, as
is accepting and being accepted. We all do both of them every day. (By choosing
coffee, you reject the tea.) Most of the time you don't need anything profound
or earth-shatteringly interesting to say; people like to think that you want
to talk to them.
I hope that helps and good luck!
-lk
Dear Miss Moon Kitty,
So I have this great girlfriend that is totally everything I could ever ask
for, but lately she has been doing some strange things. Of course, by strange
things, I mean going ghost hunting with her friends from work. Now, a little
ghost hunting for playful enjoyment is cool with me, but these girls actually
take these "ghosts" seriously, and I was wondering if I should
be worried.
Also, I asked her to please not go anymore once and she said okay. I later
found out that she was still going on these spirit chases but not telling me.
After confronting her, she said okay, this time I really will stop going. Should
I believe her? Should I even have a problem with this?
Haunted in Ohio
Dear Haunted,
Everyone has their favorite passtimes and pursuits that help keep life interesting.
For your girlfriend, this is ghost hunting, which I wouldn't worry about
any more than if she was into String Theory or NASCAR.
What I would worry about is that she lied to you. Not only did she lie to you,
but that she lied about quitting a behavior that makes you uncomfortable. (I
can stop anytime I want...)
I would feel better about the whole situation if when confronted she had said
something to the effect of: "Buzz off dude. Ghosts are cool, I'm meeting
my friends at the graveyard at 8, you can join us if you must." The fact
that she didn't, but lied to you instead implies there is something deeper
and potentially unhealthy going on.
And then there's the whole trust issue to consider. I mean, if she's lying
to you about GHOSTS, what else might she lie to you about?
I think the two of you have some real soul searching (yikes!) to do to see
what is at the bottom of her behavior and her lying, and to figure out if you
can or want to work it out.
Good luck,
-lk
Dear Miss LK,
Hello! I'm 15 yrs old and a Sophomore in High School. I'm having an incy bit
of a problem that's been going on for...what, a month? Well, you see, there's
this boy. I have just recently found out that he has a crush on me, and
after hanging out and talking to him for quite some time, I've found out
that I like him, too. The problem is, both of us know that we like each
other. Well, or at least I think so. But we both won't admit it, because
this hasn't happened to either of us yet. He's afraid of commitment, and
I'm not sure that I'm ready for a relationship yet. But all I can think
about lately is being with him. What to do?
Kioko
Dear Kioko,
If the two of you are just finding out that you like each other, then there
is no need to worry about commitments and relationships yet. You can spend
time together, enjoying one another and getting to know each other better
for quite some time before you take that big leap. If you continue to discover
things that you like about each other, then keep hanging out together and
just be. The rest will figure
itself out in good time.Good Luck!
-lk
Dear Miss Lunarkitty,
I'm 20 years old, and I'm swimming in girl trouble. A while ago I had a girlfriend
and then we broke up. It wasn't a bad break up or anything like that. It
just happened because I was moving to another state and we thought I would
be there until the end of time. Apparantly, time stopped about 8 months
later, because thats when i returned. So now me and her are hanging out
again and everythings cool. But now when we hang out, we hang out as friends,
and I really want to be more. The tricky thing is, I have no idea how she
feels about it, and I dare not ask her. If she doesn't feel the same way
as I do, then there would be this terrible wierdness everytime we hung
out after. I tried to read her "body language" but I can't tell
if she's flirting with me, or if she just feels natural acting the way
she does because of our history. I really like this girl alot. She gets
me, and she's proud of my dorkiness. She loves my extensive comic book
collection, and i love her random 80's pop-culture references. So please
help me before my fragile little heart yells at me.
Dear Fragile Heart,
You have found a woman who is proud of your dorkiness, and you even hesitate
for a moment about what to do? This is a precious gift you have in your hands.
Don't let the fear of rejection come between you and what clearly is your destiny.
Even if the unthinkable happens and she doesn't feel the same way, think of
the relief you'll feel at getting the issue out in the open. And any resulting
weirdness between you won't last forever.
Good luck!
-lk
Dear, Miss LunarK
I am nearly Sixteen years old guy and on summer vacation. And I have a classic
case of "Best Friend Syndrome!" What I mean is- I'm in love with
my best friend. Me and her are very close and have been friends for a couple
of years now. People always tell us we should go out but neither of us
are ready to date anyone. Then I hear rumors that she likes me but I have
never belived rumors.
Should I tell her I love her?
I know you think I shouldn't say 'Love' but the truth is I really do love her.
I am always thinking about her and I constanly am reminded of her by everything.
We are perfect friends and never argue or even disagree.
But I'm afraid that if I tell her, She might get weirded out. Or maybe I just
don't want to discover that she has no other feelings for me. Finally theres
the nagging feeling that there might be a chance she feels the same way...
Help me LunarKitty! Cure my "Best Friend Syndrome!"
-Love Sick Puppy-
>
Dear Love Sick Puppy,
You need to do a little bit of risk assessment analysis on this situation.
To do that, consider the worst outcome possible that could happen if you tell
her or if you don't tell her. For example: If you tell her and she doesn't
feel the same - she gets weirded out and you feel rejected and disappointed.
It will seem like the end of the world for a while, but if your friendship
is
strong and true, you and it will recover. And the question will be answered,
freeing your heart to move on to other love interests.
If you don't tell her, you may find yourself in a few years as a guest at her
wedding, asking yourself if that could have been you at the alter with her,
if only you hadn't been too much of a pussy to say something. And you'll get
to spend the rest of your life wondering.
There's only one way you are going to find out....
Good Luck,
Let me know what happens.
-lk
Dear Miss. LunarKitty,
Hi, i am 13 years old and have found my self in a rather strange perdiciment.
One day I woke up to find myself in an existential quandry. In other words
I don't see a reason to live. I mean whats the point you are born you live
for approx 75 years then you die leaving little to no impact on the world
around you. Do u have any ideas that might get me to cheer up or stop think
in these ways???
Plz help
Warm regards,
The man with only one sock
Dear man with only one sock,
Ahhh yes, the existential void. I know it well.This is a lifelong battle that
you face, here are a few suggestions to help you with the good fight:
1. Rent "It's a Wonderful Life"
2. Read anything by Kurt Vonnegut. (I'd start out with Breakfast of Champions or Slaughterhouse
5)
3. Listen to a lot of The Smiths and/or Morrissey. It may not cheer you up,
but man, does that guy understand.
4. Remember to take pleasure in the little things. Maybe there really isn't
anymore to look forward to than the warmth of sun on your skin or a black raspberry
ice cream cone, so enjoy them to the fullest.
5. Don't ever watch the local evening news. While keeping up with world events
is important, knowing about the dead baby found in the dumpster behind Denny's
doesn't do anyone any good.
6. Explore religion.
7. Vow not to leave this earth without impacting it somehow. In a positive
way, please. Some ideas: Create something beautiful. Clean up an existing mess.
Get involved in local volunteer work. Put solar panels on your house. Make
friends and be a good friend. Figure out what you believe in and stand by those
beliefs. Set a good example. Even if you can't seem to see or feel the difference,
living by example can have a profound effect on others.
I hope that helps,
-lk
Dear miss LK-
i am a freshman in high school. I happen to be in love with a boy who is also
a freshman. Unfortunately i am kinda a creepy stalker. You see i have liked
this boy for a few months and have not spoken to him. I have, however,
given him a mix CD of love-type songs and also a highly-stylized card that
says "i love max". as far as i know, he is freaked out by me
(and hell, i would be freaked out by me too).
I think about him all the time and have gotten bad grades on math assignments
for having "i *heart* max" written all over them. I am obsessed and
embarassed for being so. two questions: why am i so obsessed? and also: Should
i talk to him? School is out in under 3 weeks and i want to go on summer vacation
feeling accomplished and not like a wimpy nothing-girl.
much love and freezepops,
Beaty
Dear B -
First of all, why are you so obsessed, you ask? What you have is a classic
crush. Crushes are great! Except when they're so excruciating that you can't
breathe. Don't be embarrassed about it - you're finishing up your freshman
year, so it's kind of your job to be all crushed out at all times.
A glimmer of hope for the future: Crushes tend to get less intense and more
fun as you get older.
The upcoming summer break is a great thing - it gives you a chance to say what
you need to to clear the air, and then let it all rest for a few months. I
understand that you don't want to spend the whole summer wishing you had spoken
to him, so you should say something. To start out, perhaps you should just
apologize for being a crazy stalker and try to laugh it off. Try something
like "I was being a freak. Sorry I was being so weird. I think you're
really great. I won't be weird anymore." And leave it at that, and absolutely
stop being weird.
If he's really freaked out by your stalker behavior, then the most you can
really hope for right now is for him to stop being scared of you. On the positive
side, if things don't go the way you want, you have all summer to recover,
and so does he.
Good luck,
-lk
dear Miss Lunarkitty,
hi my name is andie and I am 14 yrs.old. im in 9th grade and all I can think
about is being popular. im not a nerd or anything. I don't know any body
who hates me. its just like nobody even knows that I exist. oh and the
people im hanging out with are not popular sometimes they are even weird
so I want to start hanging out with the popular girls that I know what
should I do Miss Lunarkitty I really need your help!
Dear Andie,
I suggest you think about why you would rather hang out with the popular girls.
Do you like them for who they are, or is it simply their little halo of popularity
that attracts you? If you really like the popular girls and share interests
with them, then I would pursue their friendship.
What about these other less glamorous people? If they are true friends where
it counts, then I wouldn't abandon them. While popularity is alluring, honest
friendship is infinitely more rewarding. Also, I have found that it's the independent,
free-thinking, kind of geeky types who grow up to be interesting, confident
people who make the loyalest friends.
So now, go let people know that you are out there! Take part in afterschool
activities - be it sports or the Drama Club, the school newspaper, or some
other organization that interests you. It will give you a reason to socialize
with people with similar interests, and make them care that you exist.
Good Luck,
-lk
ps...w-w-what's wrong with being a nerd?!? *gulp*
p.s. from Liz: go rent "Heathers."
Dear Miss Lunarkitty,
I am 14 years old and I met this cute girl at my workplace. She's 17. We get
along very well. I wanna ask her out but I am afraid she might say no because
of my age. Is it ok to go out with someone who is older than you? I 've
been getting different responses from different people.
sincerely,
The synth player
Dear Synth Player,
In matters of the heart, age matters not at all. If you connect well and trust
each other, then what else really matters? True love is hard to find - some
people search unsuccessfully for their whole lives to find that certain someone
they mesh perfectly with. Never abandon a chance at love because of a silly
little age difference. That being said, there are a few practical age related
issues you should consider:
Assuming that the two of you hit it off and end up together:
1. Is she college bound in a year, leaving you all alone and broken hearted?
2. This is a stickier issue that I don't know the answer to, but it involves
the legal implications of a minor dating someone over 18. I have consulted
with Freezepop's counsel on this point, who has advised that depending on the
laws of the state you live in, you may run the risk of committing statutory
rape if the two of you become physically involved while only one of you is
older than 18. In order to properly evaluate this risk, Freezepop's counsel
recommends that you consult with a lawyer in your jurisdiction before taking
any actions.
Let me explain why this might matter to you: If the two of you end up together,
on her next birthday she'll be 18, and you'll be 14 or 15. If your Mom doesn't
like her and catches the two of you ummm..you know...[blush], your mom could
potentially get your girlfriend in a lot of trouble (ie, thrown in jail) for
being physically involved with a minor.
Of course, dating someone older has its benefits as well. For example, if she's
17, she probably has her driver's license.
In the end, it doesn't matter what anyone else thinks [except possibly your
mom], so follow your heart, but don't ignore the practical issues that may
arise.
Good luck,
-lk
Dear MissLunarkitty,
I've been living in Chicago for my entire life and just recently I have hear
startling news that putting ketchup on a hotdog in Chicago is almost illegal!
Maybe you would know why and also, is freezepop ever going to pay a visit?
Dear Hot Dogs in Chicago,
While researching your question I learned many interesting hot dog and condiment
facts, but your exact question still remains for the most part, a mystery.
Among the facts I discovered is that in Chicago, the preferred hot dog toppings
are yellow mustard, relish, onion, tomato slices and celery salt. The closest
thing to a definitive answer I found was on the website of the venerable
National Hot Dog & Sausage Council [www.hot-dog.org]. According to them,
proper hot dog etiquette dictates that it is no longer appropriate to eat
ketchup on hot dogs after the age of 18.
I consulted with Liz as to her preference, and she does not put ketchup on
her tofu-pups, but prefers mustard, unless she is in a deluxe mood, in which
case she enjoys them piled high with veggie chili.
I myself prefer my tofu-pups with cheese, relish, and a generous helping of
ketchup.
I say that however you like to top your dog is the best way, so long as you
do it correctly, and dress the hot dog, and not the bun!
Enjoy!
-lk
ps. Freezepop recently toured your fair city, back in November, 2003. Unfortunately,
I don't know when they plan to return.
Dear ms lunarkitty,
Im 13 yrs old and I am treated like shit everyday. ppl at school push me around
and I havent responded in the best way possible (I have anger management
problems). I'm kinda afraid of what might happen if Im pushed too far.
What should I do?
your slightly confused-as-what-to-do fan, HunterXI (no, its not "Hunter
11")
Dear HunterXI,
Perhaps you should consider studying the martial arts. It may help alleviate
some of your issues on multiple levels. The physical exercise will help release
stress and frustration. At the same time, the ultimate goal of most arts
is to find your center - to find balance and harmony between yourself and
the universe. Once you have started to discover your center, you will may
find yourself stronger against the abuses of your classmates, or, even better,
discover that they really don't matter to you anymore. Your classmates may
in turn notice the difference in you, in your self confidence and more zen
outlook, and leave you alone. And if not, you will be empowered by the knowledge
that you could take them out with one well placed flick of the wrist. Which
of course, you won't do, because violence is never the answer...but knowing
that you could certainly feels good. ; )
Good luck,
and No Violence!
-lk
Dear Miss LunarKitty,
I know you probably get tons of these a day so I'll try to keep it brief. I'm
a 22 year old guy, I have no energy at all during normal days (ie: days
i'm not having a few drinks with some people), I don't really find much
important at all except maybe eating and sleeping, I don't have any interest
in anything I used to like. I hate people, well most people. I keep pushing
myself to do something, I work, but if I don't educate myself I'm going
to stay in the same stupid job, but I have to use money from my own pocket
for college courses. I can't get a grant or anything because I'm a white
guy and you have to be like a crippled, vietnamese woman to get any kind
of government money, and I can't find a co-signer for a loan. It doesn't
matter anyway because I don't know what courses I would want to take. I
really don't have anyone to talk to about this, I'm sorry I'm burdening
you with all this but I'm just so frustrated I have no idea what to do.
Just pointing me in the direction of someone who can help with stuff like
this would be a good start. I guess it wasn't as brief as I wanted it lol
sorry. Thank you for your time.
Frustrated
Dear Frustrated,
My first instinct is that you need to take a vacation somewhere totally foreign.
You need to shake it up a bit with a drastic change of scenery and culture.
You mention wanting to save some money, so I suggest someplace like Bali [if
it's considered safe by the State Department, that is]. The airfare might be
pricey, but once you get there you can stay in some beautiful places for around
$5 per day.
As for trying to figure out what to do with your life, well....don't fret.
You're 22. You should still be exploring and figuring out the world, and how
you fit into it. I'm all about taking classes - if you don't know where you're
headed, start by taking a class or two just because they sound appealing to
you. Find out what you're drawn to - which classes you go out of your way to
work hard in, and what you don't like - the classes you'll do anything to avoid
studying for. You don't need to enroll in a program even. Try checking out
adult education classes, some of which may only be one session long - just
enough to give you a taste of something new. If you learn something, it is
never a waste of money.
Good luck in your searching.
-lk
Heylo, exalted Miss Lunarkitty.
I am confused.The Freezepop website claims their manufacturer of blippy beats
to go by the moniker of The Duke of Belgian Waffles, yet in that classic
Freezepop Forever he refers to himself as the Duke of Candied Apples. Just
who is this enigmatic man?
Also, a fashion question. I've recently been listening to all things synthy,
and I like to incorporate my musical taste into my dress - is there a way I
can maintain my current goth chic whilst also becoming super-sprøde?
Yours forever and ever,
Sickles.
Dear Sickles,
To answer your first question - At the time of Freezepop Forever, the grandmaster
of the QY70 was indeed The Duke of Candied Apples. Then while touring Europe
in April 2002, during their stop off in Belgium, the Duke had a life changing
breakfast food experience. The rest is history...
As for your second question - goth and Super Sprode certainly are not mutually
exclusive traits. If you have a proclivity for velvet and lace, I'd recommend
looking to the New Romantic movement for inspiration. [if you're unfamiliar
with the New Romantic phenomenon, a rather long winded but quite enlightening
exposition exists here: http://www.scathe.demon.co.uk/newro.htm ,
unfortunately there are no photos.]
If such frippery does not appeal to you, then let your look be dictated by
the edgy synth sounds and incorporate more of an industrial or fetish edge
into your wardrobe.
No matter what your personal style, shiny black vinyl is always a beautiful
thing! Meeee-yow!
-lk
Dear Miss Lunar Kitty,
Is it a bad thing to have my favorite bands being System of a Down, Radiohead,
and Freezepop? They are all quite different from each other, but I still
like all of them a lot. Another thing I want to throw in while I'm here:
What should I do about Me, this great girl, and my best friend? I liked
this girl a lot, and I'm not quite sure if she liked me enough to want
a relationship out of it, but I knew we got along great. Then, my best
friend gets thrown into the mix and the whole balance is offset. Now my
best friend is taking her to Homecoming and I don't know where I stand.
My friend is being a complete jerk about this, and says I should get over
it. I know everyone says I should be happy for him, but not when he's being
an ass about it. What should I do?
Eddie
Dear Eddie,
I hope liking lots of different bands isn't a bad thing - my iTunes is populated
with everything from Beethoven to Mogwai to Skinny Puppy. [and of course, Freezepop.]
[duh.] Far from being bad, it is, infact, very, very good to like a range of
different things. It's called being well-rounded. Eclecticism makes one more
interesting and able to relate to more people. Or at least to have more to
talk about at cocktail parties...
As for your best friend and the girl, from the little bit you've told me, I
think you're both right. Your friend is being a jerk, and you should get over
it. But before you forgive and forget so easily, analyize the situation a little
bit and ask a few questions - did either of them know how you felt before homecoming
came up? If he knew how you felt and still made a move, then what kind of best
friend is he? If he didn't know until after the fact, then is he really to
blame? Why is he being an ass to you about it? How do your own words and actions
come into play? And in the end is it all enough to come between you and your
best friend?I'd say this time you might suck it up and move on, but if he does
something like this again I'd smack him up a bit and go find a new best friend.
-lk
Hi, I'm Mat. I'm from Arizona. I'm 18, and headed
to the local university in a few weeks. My question revolves around
a bad date and good anime, both of which happened in the same day.
Is it right to want what you want? There's many saying which suggest
that you should reach for what you desire and let nothing hold you
back, but what if you never seem to want the right things, or to say,
that their propogation in reality leads to limited sucess and mild
failure. Does the success of your dreams determine whether or not they
are right, and do morals have anything to do with dreams to begin with?
Should I not question myself, and leave my unkept wants to the burden
of society, or should I analyze my actions, and therefore change them?
Who is right? Is nobody right? And does that make the Post-moderns
right?
Thank you ^^
~Mat~
Dear Mat,
I have been pondering your question for quite some time. You're only 18 and
have already discovered the core issues of life. Some people never think to
ask these questions at all. Even if you struggle your whole life with these
questions, take comfort that just asking them puts you on the right track.
It is absolutely fine to want what you want, though if it is something evil
or harmful, it isn't particularly acceptable to pursue the attainment of it.
While you aren't necessarily responsible for your feelings and desires, you
are entirely accountable for how you act upon them.
Who is to say exactly what are the "right things" to want?
How you measure success [financial security, a harmonious relationship, spiritual
fulfillment, educational and artistic achievement, etc.] is a deeply personal
matter that you will define and redefine over various stages in your life.
Never stop analyzing your actions, and never stop trying to better yourself.
But better yourself to your own definition of success.
What does your own conscience tell you about leaving things to the burden of
society?
The Post-modernists give me a headache.
I am curious to know what bit of anime sets off the quest for the meaning of
existence.
Good luck in your searching.
-lk
Dear LunarKitty
I've been playn frequency. I've also been playn Amplitude. The song Freezepop
made on Amp is much better than that other one... Anyway,
I've heard it more than a lota times and it's stuck in my head. Plus I
can't find a tarshay to shop at and I dont even know where that is! Plus,
I can't my freq uber-sheek! That would be embarasing(at least for me).
How do I join your club? How do I give freezepop e-mails everyday? Finally,
why should I throw my undes on the stage? ppl get arrested for that typea
stuf! Help me b a super-sp- rite! Plez!
1. Freezepop songs do have a way of circulating
around and around in one's head, don't they. If you'd like to add
to the collection, you can hear "Bike Thief" in the PS2 game
Downhill Domination.
2. Tarshay? I believe you have been duped by the fancy pronunciation
of Target. If there isn't a Target in your area yet, just wait. The
chain is currently expanding at a crazy rate. www.target.com.
3. My club? hmmmm. The duke sends out periodic email updates
when stuff is going on - you can email freezepop@freezepop.net to request to
be put on his mailing list. There are also a few Freezepop internet communities
out there - the ones I know of are: on Yahoogroups and
on LiveJournal
4. Undies on stage! It's the ultimate show of devotion to the rockers
that you love. Like Liz! Actually, I think if you wanted to shower
Liz with undies, you should probably bring a spare pair along to avoid getting
arrested.
Good Luck in your quest to become Super Sprode!
-lk
what are your opinion of online relationships?
From friendships to love. Thanks.
~~Al.
Dear Al,
I have a relative who met and married the love of her life through a penpal
service, back in the days before the internet. It's been more than 20 years,
and they're still happily married.
So long as you are certain that the person on the other end is who they say
they are (and not a serial killer of a gender different from what you were
expecting, for example), I don't see any problem with it.Good luck in your
pursuit of love in the electronic age,
-lk
What can I do to get a girlfriend? I'm shy around
people I don't know, I dye my hair strange and weird colors, and I
am hated by alot of kids at my school. What should I do?
Matt
Dear Matt,
First off, you're not giving me a ton of information here - do the kids hate
you because you constantly chase them around dressed as a nightmarish evil
clown [or whatever], or is it just because you are you?
I'm going to give you the benefit of the doubt, and assume it's because you're
shy, and yet sure enough of yourself to make yourself stand out with crazy
hair and all. And then I'm going to tell you what my dad told me when I didn't
have a lot of friends because I was the really shy but freaky new-waver kid
at school - The combination of a very self-assured appearance and shyness can
send mixed signals to people and confuse them. Because of your appearance,
they may be intimidated and automatically feel defensive, or expect you to
be more outgoing and be the one to put them at ease. They may mistake your
shyness for something else - arrogance, standoffishness, etc. Which then puts
them in the position of being intimidated and defensive. The only thing I can
recommend here is to try to get over the shyness a little bit. It's hard. It
can physically hurt. But with some practice, it is possible. I know this for
a fact.
As for the girlfriend - having been a 14 year old girl myself once, I tell
you with all honesty that 14 year old girls are horrid creatures. Believe me
when I say that you really want nothing to do with them at all. Try to stick
it out for the next few years on your own, and check out the girls again when
they're 16 or 17. They are much more pleasant at that age. In so many ways.
As it turns out, most of the cool people that I know today were the weird,
ostracized kids at school. Some of us didn't even date until (gasp!) college.
But I've found that those people who stuck it out and stayed true to themselves,
not worrying about the popular kids, but just doing their thing, doing what
they wanted - those kids all turned out to be the cool people later on. For
the rest of their lives. They're the ones not afraid to do different, interesting,
intelligent things.
In the meantime, while you're still stuck your present situation, I'd recommend
listening to the Smiths discography a few thousand times, and making yourself
some DMMCs (Depressing Mindless Music Compilations) to get you through the
rough spots.
-lk
p.s. from liz: listen to what miss lunarkitty says. she's right. it gets better.
Dear Miss Lunar Kitty,
You know those shiny silver pants that Duke wears, where can I swipe a pair
of those?
Yours Truly, ToxxicCandycane
Dear ToxxicCandycane,
I consulted with the Duke about his fabulous silver pants, and he informed
me that they are made by Lip Service. I have checked out the Lip
Service website, and they indeed do have a line of silver vinyl clothing
which you might be interested in checking out. I tried to do some further
research for you, incase you didn't like Lip Service's current offerings,
but I quickly found myself somewhere between frustration and horror by what
google has to offer when searching on the words "vinyl pants silver".
Good luck in your search,
-lk
Dear Miss Lunarkitty,
I know Freezepop is very busy but I would love to see them a little closer
to where I live. I know this is asking a lot. I live in Rochester, N.Y.
I was looking at the pictures on their site and saw one taken in Buffalo.
That's close by!! Will this ever happen again or was it the celestial event
of a lifetime and I was otherwise engaged when it happened. I know you
Miss Lunarkitty can advise on me on where to go from here.
Waiting
Dear Waiting, For quite some time Buffalo has been
the home of our beloved Gordon Merrick, with whom Liz is dear friends
and has sung a few duets. Sadly, very soon Gordon will be relocating
even further away from Boston. But! All is not lost! It is rumored that
Liz is a fan of Buffalo thrift shops, and it might not take much coaxing
to get her back to that neck of the woods, despite Gordon's absence.
The best thing you can do to get Freezepop to your neighborhood is to
contact Liz or the Duke to let them know you want them to play. It will
up the odds even greater if you can help to provide them with specific
possible dates and venues, and someplace to stay. Good Luck!
-lk
p.s. from liz: we're working on getting out that way in the near future. stay tuned...
i love freezepop and all things electro am i too old for this and should i grow up?
First and foremost, don't ever grow up. Life as a
responsible adult is over-rated. I myself am trying to convince my dad
of the tax benefits he might enjoy by taking me back in as his dependent...
If you are indeed 34 years old, as the subject of your email implies, then
not only are you not too old for all things electro (as if!), but it's only
natural that you would be drawn to them. Someone 34 today would have been in
highschool roughly from 1983 - 87, and then college from 1987 - 1991. 1983
- 1991 was a heyday for electronic music. 1984 was an incredible year for new
wave, while 1988 was a pretty good year for more industrial sounds.
Below I've made a very uncomprehensive list of some album releases during those
years.
Even if you didn't LOVE New Wave or Synth Pop back then, this stuff was just
around, on the radio, and especially on MTV. (videos! on MTV!)
Don't forget about others that were around earlier, influencing the mix, like
Kraftwerk, Devo and Visage to name just a few.
1982 - A Flock of Seagulls / Flock of Seagulls
1983 - Yaz(oo) / You and Me Both
1983 - The Human League / Fascination
1983 - Eurythmics / Sweet Dreams (Are Made of This)
1984 - Duran Duran / Seven and the Ragged Tiger
1984 - Talk Talk / It's My Life
1984 - Frankie Goes to Hollywood / Welcome to the Pleasure Dome
1984 - Depeche Mode / People are People
1984 - Ministry / Every Day is Halloween
1985 - a-ha / Hunting High and Low
1985 - Howard Jones / Dream into Action
1987 - New Order / Substance 1987
1987 - Pet Shop Boys / Actually
1988 - Information Society / Information Society
1988 - Skinny Puppy / VIVIsect VI
1989 - Nine Inch Nails / Pretty Hate Machine (okay, not really synth, just
thrown in for perspective)
1990 - Depeche Mode / Violator
For a crazy trip back, check out www.allmusic.com and search under new wave
or synth pop.
A little aside here...allmusic.com makes me want to walk upto the next 15 year
old I see and rant about how easy kids today have it. Remember when 120 Minutes
was pretty much the sole lifeline to all things musically cool? And MTV's programming
actually warranted the name "Music Television"
alas...
-lk
Dear Miss Lunar Kitty,
I need some advice. I'm deeply in love with one of my friends in a purely non-sexual
manner. She doesn't know that I love her because I haven't told her, although
my heart aches for her. I fear the outcome that would happen if she knew.
I don't want to have a relationship with her because she is a unique snowflake
and if I were to hold her in my hand, she would start to melt (That was
a metaphor by the way, she's not really a snowflake). If I were to go out
with her, I fear that she would change and no longer be the person that
she is now or that we would break up and she would no longer be a friend
of mine. So I'm pretty much determined to try and stay just friends with
her and not tell her my true feelings as this is the only way I can always
be with her. Is this normal, or is there something wrong with me?
Sincerely,
Confused 19-year old guy
Dear Confused,
I don't think there's anything wrong with you, but I have to admit the "purely
non-sexual manner" and "19-year old guy" thing is kind of throwing
me off here. Is she physically repugnant or do you have
unhealthy negative associations with sex?
Without some of that information, I'm not sure I really understand why you
can only be friends with your snowflake. But I can tell you this - people change.
Things happen to them, people happen to them, they grow up. Your unique snowflake
is going to start to melt and transform into something new whether you want
her to or not. So if you really love her, why not be a part of that, rather
than sit
around and watch someone else take that place? (watch Pretty in Pink,
and ask yourself if you want to really be left playing Ducky.) If she's with
you the two of you could change and grow together. It is
what relationships are about - joining forces to navigate your way through
the weird stuff that life sends your way. Maybe if you get comfortable with
that idea, you'll get more comfortable about seeing
her in a different, more sensual light as well. If your love is true, it won't
dishonor her to think of her and think 'meeeee-yow". Romantic, erotic
love is different from pure lust.
As for your fear that you might break up, well, yeah, you might. Or you might
not. You'll never know if you don't take the risk.
-lk
Dear Miss LunarKitty,
I've been reading your advice on this page at freezepop.com, and have learned
many useful things. But I must say when I found the gloryhole question,
I didn't know what they were either. So I went to the link you provided
and read the provided information. Now I am unable to sleep, I keep having
dreams of being locked in one of these booths with dozens of holes in them.
I can no longer use a public restroom for fear of someone peaking at me
through a hole or even the space between the door and the hinges. I know
this may seem ludicrous, but it's true. How can I stop the dreams, and
get over my unreasonable fear of public restrooms?
Thanks,
Willy
Dear Willy,
Oh dear, oh dear. I shudder at the thought that I have traumatized someone.
I'm not entirely sure what you should do about the dreams. I myself tend to
listen to the soothingly drony voices of the BBC at night. The one bit of solace
I can offer you is that no one really ends up in one of those booths by accident.
It's kind of one of those backroom/secret password kind of deals. So if you
don't want to be in one, you probably have nothing to worry about....
As for the unreasonable fear of public restrooms, there really is no such thing.
Your fear is entirely valid, though your current reasoning may be a bit misplaced.
Let me help you out with that; you need to focus your fear on real public restroom
issues. You know, like how there's always someone else's pee dribbled on the
seat and never any toilet paper. And there's that really yucky smelling oily
soap, a possible lack of hot water, and an all too predictable lack of paper
towels. Sometimes the stall door locks don't work leaving you to find interesting
postures for using the bathroom whilst holding the door shut whilst not touching
the toilet seat . And while in said posture, one best be as still as possible
for fear of triggering the autoflush and getting splashed - maybe with someone
else's pee and all of its bodyfluid-borne pathogens. And then there is that
sign reminding you that the food service employees who go in there probably
don't wash their hands.
Compared to the above, the idea that someone might possibly look at you through
the little crack in the door is nothing! Indeed, who has time to be spying
on anyone else when an ongoing life and death struggle for a reasonably safe,
non-bodyfluid-borne-pathogen filled restroom experience is raging in the stalls
all around you.
If I haven't caused you enough angst on the topic, here is some additional
reading material:
http://www.joes-sanitation.com/adults.html
http://www.restroomratings.com/
http://www.washup.org/
-lk
Hi,
I feel really feeble right now - there's a part of me that wants to dance so
bad I could explode, but I really really suck at it - or at least I think
I do (I think I'm right) It's all very frustrating. Maybe I'm insecure
and afraid of looking foolish, maybe I just don't know how to loosen up
and have fun - I haven't figured it out. Can you give me some helpful advice?
I think my cat had a question, too, but I can never really understand what
she's saying.
Thanks,
George
Hi George,
If you really want to dance to the point of possibly exploding, then on some
night when you're feeling bold, just do it. Do it for you. Do it to feel
good. Do it to not feel feeble. Do it because the music is playing and you
feel the beat. Don't worry about looking foolish. WHATEVER. Who cares. Just
get out there and move. Even just a little.
But if indeed you are so certain that you look foolish, and this a big cause
of insecurity, don't make your debut on the dancefloor at some time when worrying
about looking foolish (or at least feeling like you do) really matters - like
when the potential date of your dreams is there. Not that being caught dancing
would ruin your chances. You just won't have any fun because you'll be too
busy worrying that you look like a big loser-dork.
So all of that being said, the the next step is to make you feel more comfortable
dancing, without having you need to be really drunk to do it. I suggest that
you watch other people dance. Figure out which ones you think look good, and
figure out why. Then, don't out and out copy them, but maybe steal a few of
their moves and make them your own. On the flip side, when you see people dancing
that you are certain that you under no circumstances want to imitate, make
note of why, and try to avoid those moves in the future. I'm not talking advanced
choreographic analysis here, so much as, "wow, i wonder if i'd look as
dumb as that guy does if i played air drums on the dance floor too."
So, I say, start easy, go with what feels right, but by all means, do it! Even
if you just do it once.
Just go and have fun!
-lk
Dear Miss Lunarkitty,
I recently asked out this girl, she was a good friend of mine, and after a
while I got closer to her. Now like I said I called her one night, asked
her, and she, said yes. Yeah for me, right? No, because later she said
that she was already see someone. We were like best friends and I didn't
even know. Now I believe she is still seeing him, but I still have feelings
for her. What should I do?
Sincerely,
Leonhart
Dear Leonhart,
My question for you is this:
If you and she were like best friends, then why wasn't she telling you about
this other guy?
If you and she were like best friends, it seems you should have known she was
seeing someone. She should have told you. Are you sure you want to get more
involved with someone who keeps
secrets from someone who's supposed to be one of her best friends?
What else isn't she telling you?
Or what else might she not tell you later on?
I'd try to get over your feelings, the best you can, and move on to someone
who isn't going to keep things from you.
A relationship needs to be built on honesty and trust right from the very beginning.
It doesn't sound like that is happening here.
-lk
Dear Miss Lunarkitty,
I was in TEENCHAT53 on AOL, and I scoped out this chick using the SN "sxychk182." Well
we started talking, and I was thinking of how I could get her fine ass into
the sack. So I told her I was Mark
Hopus, you know the bassist from Blink 182. Well she's all into it, and I'm
gonna drive to her town next weekend. Now... I was wondering, if I gave her
enough GHB, would she be convinced that me, a Casio, and a copy of "Dude
Ranch" was a show at the North Charleston Performing Arts Center here
in SC? And if not, how do I ditch a 110 pound 15 year-old girl.
Also, I have a bet going on with a friend of mine, is Judas the gay disciple?
Signed,
Chris, er, um... I mean Mark Hopus in Charleston, SC
Chris, your issues may be beyond what i am qualified
to discuss....
1. Wanting to lure 15 year old girls out of a chatroom, into your bed is a
bit sketchy in itself,
2. Considering using a drug such as GHB to get your way is outright deplorable.
and illegal. I in no way condone your behavior. I find it reprehensible.
That being said, let me ask you this...what are the chances that "sxychk182" is
really a 110-pound, 15 year old girl? About as likely as you being the bassist
from Blink 182.
You will probably get to your rendezvous and instead find a 265 pound gay man
named Judas....
-Miss Lunarkitty
Dear Miss Lunarkitty,
Sometimes, a week goes by in which, musicwise, I can listen to nothing but
digital sounds. And maybe some voices, but only when they're backed by
synthesizers. This week it's Freezepop, Baxendale, and Kraftwerk. I guess
it's all about escaping to a cleaner, more mechanized world.
So my question is: when will the robots take over? I'd be happy to be replaced
by an intelligent machine, preferably a big silver box that rolls around on
little wheels. How can I support the robots' cause while voicing my opposition
to the family-enslaving, giant-spaceship-building elements of their policy?
Also: girlfriend. I have no girlfriend. Recommendations?
Fond wishes,
Numb in Newton
Dear Fond wishes,
I have attempted to contact the robots regarding their schedule for world domination,
but they have been unresponsive to my inquiries. When they do arrive, resistance
to their policies will be futile, and you will be well advised to submit.
As bleak as that sounds, I ask you to turn on CNN or NPR and listen to the
current news events for a spell. Then ask yourself if the robots' policies
are any worse than those of their human counterparts. I think you have nothing
to fear. And on the bright side, everything will be clean, mechanized, and
silver.
As for the girlfriend, I have found that Freezepop shows are a great place
to meet wonderfully fabulous people. You might also try giving the MIT yardsale
a whirl.
Good luck.
Miss Lunarkitty
Dear Miss Lunarkitty,
I feel like I'm too old to wear pink rubber pants. I need some new clothes
but I don't know what to buy. Can you tell me what would look nice on a
discerning post-glam in his mid twenties?
Yours Truly,
grampa
Dear Grampa,
Repeat after me: I am never too old to wear pink rubber pants. I am never too
old to wear pink rubber pants. I am never too old to wear pink rubber pants.
Though, as one gets older, it does seem there are fewer and fewer occasions
when pink rubber pants are appropriate. In light of which, the carefully chosen
suit ensemble is your best bet. A suit can portray you as discerning and fashionable,
as well as creative and a bit off beat. From James Bond suave to Nick Rhodes
flamboyant chic, suits make a universal, yet highly individual statement. (Not
to mention, I myself have often secretly swooned at my male friends in suits.)
If at first thought a suit seems too stiff, too high brow, too boring, too
corporate, think again.
There is a whole world out there of fabrics and styles...check out velvets,
leather, snakeskin, vinyl, metallics, or more common fabrics in funky colors
and patterns. (The Regis Philbin monochromatic look is particularly hot right
now.) Paired up with the right shirt and tie, your suit wardrobe can range
from pimpin' to new wave to mod to rock'n'roll, or anything else you want.
The possibilities are only limited to your imagination and closet space.
Miss Lunarkitty
P.S. from liz: Go rent the movie Twister, not the big Hollywood hit movie from a few years ago, but the indie one from a few years before that. Crispin Glover. Purple crushed-velvet double-breasted suit. Swoon.
Dear Miss Lunarkitty,
When I went to see Culture Club, there was a security guard posted in the men's
room... I aksed my wife if they had one in the ladies room, and she said
they didn't. What gives!?!?!
P.S.
What's a Glory Hole? Some guy at the show asked me where one was.
Signed,
Confused
Dear Confused,
You have, in fact, unwittingly answered your first question with your second.
I'm sure the security
guards were there to prevent the stalls from being used as a glory hole.
Now, you ask, what is a glory hole? Traditionally they are found at adult video
stores, in video booths
which show short porn clips for a quarter (or whatever price). Strategically
placed waist-high holes in the walls between the booths allow men to have anonymous
sexual fun with one another. A variation, found mainly at truck stops, but
possibly at culture club, pet shop boys, or erasure concerts would be the stalls
in the men's room.
More information than you ever thought you needed to know on this topic can
be found at
http://www.sexuality.org/l/sex/glorhfaq.html I
would guess that if you returned to the same venue
to see say, the Indigo Girls, you would find there to be no security guard
in the men's room.
-Miss Lunarkitty
As a PS to my last response, I was discussing this
issue with a colleague, and was informed that those big holes in the
ground in downtown Boston, where you can stop and peer in through windows
in the barrier walls to see the activities of the Big Dig are also known
as glory holes.
Perhaps this is what your friend there at the concert was looking for.
yeah. right.
-Miss LK
dear miss lunarkitty,
okay, that rule about no white shoes after labor day? does that apply to go-go
boots as well? because if you think about it, you're not going to want
to be wearing boots in the summer, so when else could you wear the white
ones? it doesn't seem too fair.
(i'm breaking the rule today anyway.)
don't fret!
while i believe that as a general rule, white after labor day should be avoided,
go-go boots belong to a world of their own, in which such general rules do
not apply. When in doubt, you should ask yourself, WWND - What Would Nancy
Sinatra do? Do you think she ever turned down a chance to go-go
just because it was November?
For more information on the subject, I highly recommend that you check out
Go-Go Boots online at: http://www.geocities.com/FashionAvenue/2958/